First Anniversary

Today is Vancouver and my first anniversary together. Wow, I haven’t left this place in a year. It feels fruitful yet bittersweet, fun yet nostalgic. It has been a year with an equation equivalent to [insanity+depression] + [independence and fulfillment]. The feelings I have towards Van is understandably extreme. There were days when I was just feeling wonderfully lucky for being here experiencing a whole new world on my own and there were some when I just want to hop into an airplane and fly back home.

And yet, the idea of going home scares me. My mother has been nagging it to me forever, but somehow, I cannot find myself to drop everything here and go home. Deep inside, I know I am enjoying discovering things and experiencing freedom in Canada. I earn money, with my own sweat and tears, and spend it however way I want to. I have no strings attached here and I like it. I admit, my jobs here are nothing to be jealous of because they are low-paying and labor-filled. But getting my paycheck always makes me smile, because I know I worked hard for it. The blisters in my feet, the calluses on my hand are nothing compared to the fulfillment of living independently. The money I can save for my expeditions around North America. That is my primary reason for staying. I just want to travel while I am still young.

Still, I miss my family and my friends back home. I miss the crazy life in Manila. I miss being driven by a chauffeur to the mall. I miss flipping telephone numbers in my head, thinking which friend to call. I miss Filipino food, especially Kare-Kare. I miss foot spas. I could go on and on. But most of all, I miss my Mom and brothers. They would be enough reason for me to go home, because they define the happiness I feel in my life.

Will there be a second anniversary?

Pagmumuni

Minsan napapaisip ako. Why am I here? Ano ba ginagawa ko sa buhay ko? Mag-isa ako. Walang pamilya. Walang kasama. Ang lungkot lungkot. Hirap maghanapbuhay dito. Akala ng iba easy money, pero hindi. Dollars lang pero ang mahal naman ng mga gamit dito. Most of the time, gusto kong umuwi. Gusto ko sa Manila kasi doon masaya. Lam ko I can find happiness in Manila, but what is holding me back here? Siguro, I am just hoping that my luck in Canada would come soon. Nagcocomplain lang ako ngayon kasi my life sucks here.

Just chilling with the girls at Joe's patio. Ate some yummy Vietnamese food. Everybody loved the spring rolls. It was a nice house. Cozy and quiet. 

Me at Granville Island. I think that is Cambie Bridge at the back. I am not sure. Just another summer day to enjoy Vancouver. 

I was starstruck. I was able to get a picture with one of my fave celebrities. He was super nice. And I looked like I just woke up. Highlight of my summer! 

Me and Wendy G at the Grand Finale of the Celebration of Lights 2004. Sweden won! It was only the two of us coz everybody else was lost. We had perfect seats. It was a beauty! 

Cutie Dylan at Joe's Housewarming Party. He is not wearing any pants and he loves it! He's a natural charmer. Going to be a heartbreaker when he grows up. 

From Friendship to Like to Nil

I crossed the line and now I am paying back. It took two to tango but the other party is doing good ignoring the fact that there was something between us, something real.

I waited three months to ignore him when I see him online. Three months to not talk to him, hoping I would forget about him and the "fling" that we had. Finally, after three months, I mustered enough courage to say hi to him on Messenger. The conversation went like this.

L: hey.
S: hey how are you
L: i'm good. how abt you?
S: tired
L: oh from work, i guess. how is it?
S: i can't talk about my work
L: alright. sorry.
S: as much as i would like to talk about it... i'm not allowed to
L: it's ok. how are u enjoying DC?
S: it's nice. not too bad at all
L: don't you feel scared there?
S: not one bit
L: what a brave soul
S: well i'm off to bed...was just checking if i had any messages. i'll talk to you later
L: alright. good night. bye.

It was just extreme awkwardness. Maybe I should give it another three months. I don't know if I can handle this "Save the Friendship" project. I'll update.

Cheap Friendship

Being cheap can mean many things. It can be waiting for something to go on sale before you buy it (bargain shopping). Or it can be not wanting to spend money on things that make you happy and thus, getting deprived. Or simply ignoring to pay the bill because you expect someone to pay for it.

I have a friend who falls perfectly under the third category. And that is what I hate most about her. Just being cheap. She earns the most among everyone and yet, she is so cheap that I want to vomit right now. It is incredibly unbelievable. So many incidents but one goes down to history as the best moment, so far.

Last night, my friends and I went to dinner at this steak place we usually go to. My older guy cousin also joined us. We were waiting for the bill to come when my cousin told us, "It's ok. I already paid for it." The first instinct was of course to reject and pay back my cousin. So, I took everyone's money (or so I thought) and chased my cousin. I put the money on his motorcycle and he quickly tried to give us back our money. And who had the guts to shout, "No, Thomson. No." The one who didn't pay.

Yes, I was stupid. I didn't ask for her money, but everybody gave her own share of payment to me, except for Cheapskate (Good, she loves rollerblading too. Perfect nick.)! I swear, I saw her holding her wallet out while refusing Thomson's money. And when Thomson returned to his motorcycle, Cheapskate slowly... slowly... slowly... put her wallet back into her purse, acting coyly so that no one would see her.

And so my friend and I came up with a plan to catch her. I went on MSN late that night. And asked her, "Oh I forgot to ask you something. Did you need change coz I gave Thomson all the money?" And lo and behold, she said "Nope." Ain't that funny. I was analyzing the conversation and realized that yes, she didn't lie to me coz she really did not need no change. But, she didn't admit that she didn't hand me the money for her share. It really blocked my rationality for a few minutes. I couldn't sleep because I didn't know how to let it go (Yes, I was overreacting coz I couldn't let those kind of bullshit go). But the more I thought about it and the more I talked it over with my friend, I started giving her the benefit of the doubt. Maybe she will pay him back the next time she sees him. I have to wait for that day.

There were so many incidents more that she acted like this: C-H-E-A-P. She always gives enough for her food, not even a dollar or two more for tips. Hello, this is Canada! Everyone has to pay tax and leave tips when dining. She goes out on dates with guys ("We were just hanging around") and she lets them pay every damn meal she eats. A friend has pointed out that this is actually the smart thing to do, because she enjoys a good meal and still saves her money.

But, that ain't me. I cannot do it. I have to pay my share because I do not want the guy to think that it is a date when it is not. That is where I draw the line between dating and being only friends who hang out.

I actually pointed this out to Cheapskate, hoping she would understand and act upon it. Seriously, how can you let a guy know that "Hey, we're just hanging out, ok? No future romantic involvement." She just simply told me (in a somewhat very defensive tone) that just because a guy pays for her meal doesn't mean she lets them touch her. Well, is she a hooker, may I ask? If she is not interested and she just want to be friends, maybe she can tell that straight to a guy's face the first time they go out. She unnecessarily drags, maybe, 3 guys along in a span of 6 months. It is uncalled for.

The friendship that she gives me is more than enough. It is a great one. I know I should accept her flaws. But I don't know how to let this flaw pass.

Future Chef?

While the tomatoes I am using for my spaghetti experiment is simmering in the kitchen, I realize a funny thing: Lianne is cooking, without being forced to. I have always thought that cooking is not for me, that I will never ever like it. And here I am, passing a night out with friends so I can stay home and cook a meal.

I remember vividly my "moments" with Herbert. He used to bug me to cook for him and I would retort, "Sino ba ang HRM [Hotel Restaurant Management] sa ating dalawa?" And then a fight would start coz I refuse to cook meals for him. Then, being the submissive girlfriend, I would give in to stop the bickering. So, I was in the kitchen, trying to think of a meal to cook. Ok, spaghetti. I put the oil, threw in the onions and ground beef. And then I shout, "Ya, tulong! Tumatalsik yung mantika! Di ko to kaya. Kaw na lang magtapos!" When the boyfriend came, I presented him with a yummy spaghetti, "Here's your spaghetti. I cooked it, while Yaya supervised me." Little did he know that the only thing I did was put in the oil and onions. Then, I left everything to my Yaya to cook. I was such a meano.

When I think about it now, I could not help but laugh at myself and yet I felt bad for Herbert coz he ignorantly chowed down 3 servings of spaghetti made by his girlfriend for him. If only we were together right now, then he would be so delighted to know that I voluntarily cook now. That I go out of my way to cook. That I spend my money on groceries instead of clothes. He would have been so proud of me. I guess, this is a change of lifestyle for me and it really creeps me out.

Time to start the meat sauce for my spaghetti.